do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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