Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
