Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
