sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
