Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
