Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
