I am puke
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
