Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize