On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
