we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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