Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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