having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When are your genitals available?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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