If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
