I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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