What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
