there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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