If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
