if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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