I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
