I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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