Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
