According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
