i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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