Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
