Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
