My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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