So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
