I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
