FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
