So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
