i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I touched a dick in church today
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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