Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
