So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
