I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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