Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
