Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
false alarm, still single
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
