that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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