as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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