I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
