So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
