Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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