I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
