nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
