i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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