I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
