I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
