is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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