I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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