maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
