Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
false alarm, still single
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
