I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
high people should be assigned attendants
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
