he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
