God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
