So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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