I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
