Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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