oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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