just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
