i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize