i just had sex bonerless
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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