he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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