i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
