you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize