are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
